The Life Adapted

Many days and experiences have passed in Arequipa, Peru, leading me, each day, in a different assessment of how ‘things are going’ – probably because I have a fastidious, fleeting heart, which determines how my mind interprets ‘how things are going.’ I can say right now, I am extremely happy to be here – though this morning I woke up in a complaining, foul mood. The reason, I’ve determined, is because I had no sense of purpose: the driving force of life. This questioning of my purpose has happened many, many times on this trip. Where are we without purpose? No matter your beliefs or worldview, a life without purpose is dead, or lifeless, the opposite of purposefulness.

So this morning I felt no purpose, not in life, but my current role here at the orphanage - a ‘tutor’. The word is much more than it implies, it’s like a house parent. The ‘tutor’ gets the kids up, leads a short devotional, checks to see if anyone wet the bed, makes sure everyone does their morning chore, and makes sure each kid is ready or school, among other things. As the tutor, I woke up this morning and felt like my presence didn’t matter (a human’s worst fear – and a dreadful thing to believe) because the older boys took care of the younger boys – even the special needs boy – and I didn’t have to do much. I piddled around and watched everyone in a foul mood.

Three hours later, I talked to Debbie, one of the directors/founders, who reminded me of my purpose – to be a loving presence in the lives of each child on a daily basis. Wow. How’d I miss that? Because I thought, as I planned my arrival here, that my purpose was to “learn Spanish, volunteer at an orphanage, and work on my film projects (in a calm, comfortable atmosphere)”. SO in my head, I’m not studying as much Spanish as I thought, I’m volunteering a lot, and I don’t have as much time to do my film work. The purpose in my head wasn’t matching up with waking up at 5 am to be unproductive and unneeded by kids who can do a fine job on their own. I couldn’t see the bigger purpose: to love kids who, for many different reasons, don’t have a mom and dad in their life. So I have found the purpose and will, most likely, lose it again.

So what do I do with my planned purpose? I’ve learned from my last couple months in India and Peru –adapt. I’ve seen many people good at adapting. I think I’ve decided – the adapted life must be divine, because the life adapted is richer, fuller, and deeper, in my experience, compared to the ideal life, which is often boring and selfish, that we’ve planned for ourselves. It’s understandable that I cling to that ideal – I truly believe it’s for my best. So how do I release the ideal life and seize hold of the adaptation? I don’t know. As a Christian, Christ must be at the center of it all, but how it is actually done, I have no idea. But, just as in the great rule of storytelling, I suppose it is shown (lived out) and not told – because telling would be too boring.